I stopped to like the beach tens of years ago when I found a little boy’s dead body that was floating in the sea and I had to swim ashore while carrying him.
But, as I wrote in The Journeys 2, living in Indonesia and avoiding the beaches is a big loss. There are so many beautiful beaches and incredible underwater sceneries stretching from Sabang to Merauke in this world’s largest archipelago.
Officially, I started the journey to find my lost passion about beaches in April 2012. After hunting for the shooting stars at Candi Dasa, Karangasem, Bali, and then crossing Lovina (Singaraja, Bali) to capture dolphins at sunset, I entrapped myself in two small Gili Islands in Lombok for three days: Gili Trawangan and Gili Air.
Trying to love something after a long time deciding not to love it, was not easy at all. I was dying. On my first day in Gili Trawangan, I couldn’t stop cursing my stupidity. The decision to go to Gili Islands was a big mistake for me. I hated the sea breeze that felt so sticky on my skin and smelled fishy. I hated the sun that shone too bright so I had to squint my eyes and immediately protected myself from it—since I have a severe allergy to sunlight. And, what I hated most was: the feeling of being not excited that attacked me.
On my first day in Gili Trawangan, I struggled to conquer all those hatreds and tried to find at least one reason to love the beach again. And for sure, on the scale from 10 to 100, I failed, 100%.
The next day, I made up my mind to move to Gili Air. In Gili Air, while the others did water activities, such as snorkeling, diving, sunbathing, and surfing, I just took a walk, wandered the island and watched the local people do their daily activities. I sat under the tree for hours, looking at the sea and fishermen who were pulling their nets. Around 3 pm, I went back to Gili Trawangan and pedaling my bike to the west side of the island to capture the sunset.
I thought I had made little progress on my second day and ended up having reddish spots from face to legs because of my sunlight allergy. And, I couldn’t sleep because my body felt like being burned. Damn it!
I woke up earlier and felt more excited than I did two days before. At 5 am, I rode my bike to the east. I desired to wait for the sun, which rose from the back of Mt. Rinjani.
That morning, when the day was still dark and only a slight of orange light seemed to color the clouds, I was there, sitting on the beach with a-no-name cat. We sat in silent. From my camera’s lens, I looked at the beach and sky without any motions. The sea looked so tranquil. The spider-boat swung quietly. Slowly, the sky’s color started changing. My finger pushed the button of two cameras and Iphone alternately without stopping. When the cat meowed because I almost stepped on his tail, I just realized, I forgot to breathe and blink as well during the moment.
In the morning of my day three, I started to enjoy what the coast had. Even though the sun was getting brighter, I didn’t walk away from the beach. I began to dare to soak my feet in the sea water. Surprisingly, I found the small waves that crashed on the shore looked so pretty and felt so gentle. The stranded seaweed looked so glowing and the small rock trails looked brave to fight against the water flow. When I stared into my left, I saw an old woman wearing the blue veil and floral sarong, walking together with a child. They seemed so peaceful. I looked up to the bridge, there was a man riding the bike with a boy on his back. They all enjoyed the morning sun together as if it was a special moment in their life.
What a lovely simple ritual morning at the beach yet indescribable. Simply beautiful.
Suddenly, a thought jumped into my mind. The scariest thing about deciding not to love something anymore was not hatred or dislike, but giving no attention. For tens of years, I didn’t put any attention to the small things like those I had found in that morning on the beach just because I decided not to love them.
I didn’t go swimming in the sea, nor diving and snorkeling. I just let the sea water lick my feet. I experienced the concept of reconciliation with the sea though. It was enough for beginning.
I take a baby step. Tomorrow, I will learn to fall in love again with the vast blue ocean. [13]
*)all pictures are taken by @windyariestanty. location: lovina, gili trawangan, gili air.
